WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOURSELF INTO?

Page 4

SUICIDE IS AN ALL ENGULFING SELF-CENTEREDNESS



How often I have heard someone say, “This is my life; I can do with it as I please.”  I suppose, if you have been running around with Suicide long enough, your association with the depths of the gutter would logically bring you to that conclusion.  But, certainly, you do not want to be drawn down into that strata of disdain.  What, then, does Suicide really engulf us with?

Initially, Suicide must remove certain elements that are basic to every human need.  Knowing this, Suicide first strips you of every last remaining shred of evidence of your love, forgiveness, compassion, or kindness.  Your submission to the seduction of Suicide has openly displayed, for all the world to see, that it is your own selfish, stimulated desires that are most important.  Selfishness has forced you toward submission.

Isn’t it strange that we see in nature things that form images of clear parallels to the things seen in human response? The female black widow spider possesses the most deadly venom, for her size, of any creature.  She normally would kill the male spider if he were to approach her to mate.  Yet, he persistently approaches, gradually wrapping a web around each of her resisting legs.  Slowly, yet methodically, he pursues his goal.  Web by web, he chains her into helplessness.  At any time, she could force her way out of the web that holds her in a position of submission.  Finally, she drops limp and submits!  Why?  Only one stab with her lethal pincer could destroy her mate!  But, no, she submits.  She submits simply for the benefit of her own inherent desire for self-gratification.  Instinctively, she cannot resist a mate.  Her selfish desires are overpowering at this particular time in her existence.  Any other time, when the male spider approaches the female black widow, she would kill him.  Suicide offers a weird, yet remarkable similarity to the experience of the black widow spider.

Gradually, web by web, he begins to incapacitate those responses of disgust that your true nature seeks to express. Suicide wraps a web around the fact that your self-murder screams to your children that you don’t love them anymore. The next web of bondage tells your husband, wife, sisters, brothers, closest friend—yes, everybody:  “I do not possess one iota of empathy for any of you—anymore!  Can’t you see, my problem is all important to me!  My final solution, my eternal submission to this lover who is wrapping this web of submission to death around me offers a potion too tempting to refuse.  I crave his sensual nectar at the expense of all else.  My submission to this soft web of seduction is worth a lifetime of despair, heartache, guilt, and shame that I leave forever behind for you to bear!”

Sorry; it is a shame to break in on you like this, just when you thought that you were about to have the greatest affair of your life.  But you are about to do something fatal with a person you know absolutely nothing about.  Do you know what you are about to do?  Your eloping with death will always carry with it a dark cloud of disgrace. 
Suicide excites something in man’s dark nature that brings forth all the vulgar suspicions that silently lurk in the deepest levels of his mind.  This vulgarity will burst forth in vile gossip that will rampage through the whole community. Gossip will infect everyone that you ever knew.  Oh, what a nasty, gruesome thing gossip is.  It has an awkward way of being dirty, even when it embellishes the truth.  There is one thing for certain!  You can depend upon this fact—gossip will make it absolutely certain—your self-centeredness will be discovered, discussed, and disdained!

After all, you wouldn’t expect anyone to justify a mother who deliberately killed herself, and by that murder deprived a defenseless daughter of everything that only her mother could provide—would you?  What about you, Dad?  Will you expect anyone to appreciate your agony as you lay there  helpless in that cold, gray silence of death while others watch your son freaked out on a bad trip, trying vainly to put together what only you had the power to impart?

I know only too well what you are going through.  It is pure torture!  To be convinced that no one loves you like your brand new Lover.  Suicide seems irresistible, doesn’t he?  Suicide will announce you to the whoIe world, as though he had claimed, through his domination over you, to even speak your words:  “No one loves me and I have made the decision not to let anyone try.  I love myself too much for that!  I am more hateful than anyone knows about!  I am angry!’’
May I interrupt?  Is your anger so great that you are totally consumed in the web of self-pity?  Are you really ready to commit someone else to pay the price of your ransom—the ransom that Suicide demands for the blackmail that your disgrace will demand of those whom you leave behind?  He will drain them dry of the sap of life!  Is that what you want?  If it is, then perhaps you are just as self-centered as you accuse others of being.  I don’t want you to be!  It will destroy you.  I don’t want you to be so selfishly destroyed.  I really do care, you know.  If I didn’t, why would I be writing this personal message to you?

I love you!  Does that seem strange to you?  I am sure it does.  Later, I will tell you why.