Life changing moments often come when you least expect them.  June 1, 2007, was one of those days for me; but, prior to sharing, I must start a little earlier because many defining moments and people help to shape one’s life.  I grew up the youngest of six children; and, being the youngest, my older siblings taught me a lot.  My sisters, Sandra and Rosa, taught love through their actions.   My oldest brother, Jason, kind of became a father figure later in life, and he taught me to pray.  My brother, Paul, was always a hero to me; and he inspired me to join the Army.  My brother, Andrew, was my best friend; and, regardless of what happens in life; we will always be there for each other.   Though I knew I was loved, I always felt insecure, inadequate, and alone.  I know, in a family of eight, being alone seems strange; but I felt no one truly cared.  My parents were present in person, but their minds were usually somewhere else.  They had a difficult marriage; and, at that point, I don’t think either one knew God’s love.  Quality time seemed to be at a minimum.  Thankfully, God placed a number of people in my life to help me get to know Him and mentor me.  Our neighbors Big Daddy, Grandma and Granny, were always there for me; and they always made me feel like part of their family.  One thing about my family, though God was not heavily emphasized in our home, we always went to Church.  Church was my escape; even without the family, I went as much as possible.  That is when I met Murph.  Matt Murphy was the coolest youth pastor that a 12 year old boy can have; he taught me to love God, and he led me to the Lord.  He still mentors me today, and he has become an even greater man of God.  The last man to make a major impact on my youth was Coach Tuck.  He, too, still is a great mentor and man of God, but he taught me that God didn’t mess up creating me and that I was special.



That is how it all started, and I shared a little bit about those who shaped my life.  Now, let me get back to June 1, 2007.  I was in Ameriyah, Baghdad, Iraq, as a member of 1-23 Infantry.  My unit had already been in Country for a year, and the grind was wearing on us.  We had already been in a number of fire fights, lost soldiers, and saw more death than anyone should ever experience.  That morning I had the chance to call my amazing wife, Brittany.  She had only been married to me for a year and a half, and she had to deal with my being at war while rearing our six month old baby alone.  We were young and so very much in love, but that was her last phone call from the man she married.  I remember complaining to her about being stung by a bee that morning.  I have a bee allergy, so I thought it was the worst day ever.  Little did I know, that was only the beginning.  A few hours after the phone call, we went on a mission to clear a weapons cache.  Weapons and explosives were everywhere.  We even found weapons of presumably dead U.S. soldiers.  After a few hours, my friend Gilbert and I took a break sitting on the back of a car in the carport.  The car was parked very close to the house we were clearing, and no one had walked between the two.  During the break, our sergeant walked between the house and the car.



All of a sudden, I remember flying in the air; but I could not see well.  I could hear nothing as both ear drums were ruptured.  A loud thumping sound was the only noise I could acknowledge when I awoke.  I saw Gilbert, and I attempted to help him to safety while barely being able to move.  I also saw my sergeant lying in a puddle of blood, after losing both legs.  I tried to help as much as I could, but again I lost consciousness. 
I cannot remember much of what happened that day, but I do remember some things that happened later.  I had a severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), severe migraines, slurred speech, tinnitus, hearing impairment, vision impairment, severe back complications, severe depression, severe anxiety; and I scored off the charts for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  All of those resulted from that incident.  After the MRI on my brain, I have had six procedures on it to ease the swelling.  I was prescribed daily injections and three other daily medications for migraines.  I was on a number of psychotropic medications that changed nearly as often as I changed counselors.  I also had medications for pain and arthritis.  Overall, I came home on 19 medications.  Over the ensuing years, I have been prescribed even more psychotropic drugs. 

Counselors were the same story.  I got bumped from counselor to counselor, never seeing one more than two or three times.  I got so tired of doing intakes, I stopped talking.  Many people I talked to only learned from a book, and they didn’t seem to care about anything but a check.  Often, I felt merely treating my symptoms made my problems worse.



My entire life was falling apart.  My wife struggled immensely being married to this different man, and I hated myself.  At a point, I even hated God because He messed up everything.  We both wanted to end the marriage, and I wanted to end my life!  Every day was full of misery, and life was not worth living.  I couldn’t handle the dreams, the smells, the memories, and the pain.  I avoided my baby, so he would not know the pain I felt.  I rarely even spoke to my wife.  When I left Iraq, all the doctors and books said it would last from a few weeks to a couple months.  I could not even be around groups of people.  I secluded myself from everyone I loved, and I hurt so many people—most of all, my wife.



Due to my wife’s and an old Vietnam vet’s persuasion, we started going to church.  Things got a little better, and I got involved with ministry.  I became a youth pastor, but no one knew how bad my PTSD had gotten.  I learned to hide it pretty well.  Everyone thought I was getting better, but my wife saw through my act.  She knew it was worse now.  I now lost my temper in a matter of seconds.  I was struggling to control what I thought I had mastered.  I was embarrassed that a couple of years later I still dealt with this pain.  The memories were vivid and more frequent.  I had no control, and I became scared that I would hurt someone.  I devised a plan to kill myself when my wife and kids would be away.  She knew something was going on, and she forced me to talk.  I eventually told her, and she made sure to take any harmful things out of our home. 

She knew the importance of a deep relationship with God, and she actually led me spiritually.  Saying that, she told me she would only do it until I was ready.  She depended on my being the spiritual leader; and, through the work of God and my wife’s persistence, I became that.  She never babied me, and she always had high expectations for me.  Her assertiveness and strength combined with a renewed love for God helped me in the first stage of recovery. 

I fully surrendered to Christ, but now I had a huge issue.  I shared the love of Christ on a daily basis.  I told teens and adults alike about His love, protection, healing, and deliverance; but I still struggled with my PTSD and traumatic brain disease (TBD).  I still took daily injections for migraines.  Thankfully, I stopped taking all the other meds because I hated the effects.  I loved God, but I still had all the same issues, I prayed for others’ deliverance, but I still was without mine.  Through scripture readings, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to Hebrews 6:1; and it starts by telling us:



Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God.



I read and studied that scripture for over a month in search of the meaning.  I knew there had to be more than just salvation and trying to live right.  The Bible tells us about inheriting the Kingdom of Heaven, being like Christ, and having his peace, joy and love.  I had none of that.  My walk consisted of trying not to sin, but nothing beyond the elementary teachings.



As a seminary student, not much changed.  Most of it reiterated what I already had studied.  As part of my practicum to complete my degree, I had a number of choices.  A ministry called Grace Fellowship International (GFI) seemed like a good one, and I was able to complete it in a week.  Being ready to graduate, I went with GFI.  I was sent a few CD’s that met my requirements for the Exchanged Life Conference.  I started listening while I was driving my car, just so I can say I did it; but, to my surprise, I was captivated.  I heard things I had never heard before.  The scripture Galatians 2:20 became real to me, when it says that I was crucified with Christ and my life was transformed!



Prior to the CD’s, I was working toward a good future with God; but my past was weighing me down.  I continued to listen, and I learned that the third step in a believer’s walk was to die to your self so Christ can live.  I could not live out a Christ-like life because I was trying to run my life independently.  After the CD’s, I attended the GFI workshop and institute.  That day in October 2012, I first felt what the joy of Christ feels like.  I felt His deliverance from PTSD and TBI.  I have not had an issue with either one since, and I no longer regularly take migraine medications.  I also learned the meaning of Hebrews 6:1, and my wife is extremely happy to have her husband back!  (Not just the old one, but a renewed one!)

To complete my testimony, I cannot fail to mention the people God placed in my life in recent years.  I mentioned earlier that God was not a focal point in my house as I child, but my mom came to know Christ before her death.  My father and I went quite a few years with a strained relationship, but I thank God he and his wife both have wonderful hearts for God now.  I am so proud of the man he has become.  My Church family and youth group at Rising Fawn Church of God have impacted my life greatly.  They follow Christ in their service daily.   Dr. Solomon, Dr. Woodward, and Dr. Travis all have mentored me and helped me to understand the exchanged life.  Thank you all for being led by the Holy Spirit.

In closing, my beautiful wife, Brittany, amazes me daily with the love she shows our incredible four children and me.  She truly is a virtuous woman who has inspired me and shown God’s love.  It has been a crazy seven years, but she has followed God and listened to Elvis to help her along the way.  (Yes, my wife is also in love with Elvis!)  I am so thankful she endured the tough times. 

My hope is that this message can get out to the over 250,000 veterans returning with PTSD and/or TBI, so they can know that God does provide a solution.